First recognize and acknowledge that we all project. Projection is
an important part of the process of relating. It begins to extend
us outside of ourselves.
2. When in a communication dialogue and there your are experiencing
an emotional charge state internally "I take back this projection."
3. Try to discern what is actually being said, what you are
feeling , and what you are interpreting . Ask yourself: "
How are you feeling?" The feeling is the primary trigger.
4. If your feelings, and interpretations are getting in the way of
really listening and hearing perhaps take a break and sort through
your inner reality. You can do this internally, or express what
you are interpreting. You can also ask the person you are communicating
with if it is possible to stop at this point to gather your composure.
Try to reach an emotional flat point (neutral state). A point that
is good for both parties. If this is not possible as emotions have
escalated enact the 3 min rule with the strict agreement to
get back to the communication in 3 min, 3 hours, 3 days; whichever
is mutually agreed upon. If the escalation is such that this type
of mutual agreement is not possible, one person must pull back and
take a break. This will allow neutrality and clarity to come
back into the dialogue.
5. If you have taken a break, write or speak into a tape recorder
what your past experiences were and how they are affecting you
in the present situation. Get yourself in a safe place.
Begin to relax the body and mind as much as you can. Calm the body-mind
down by doing some 3 count breathing, slowing the breath down, steadying your
breath and focus within. Close your eyes if this helps. Locate the
feeling . Notice if any part of your body is tense or experiencing
discomfort. Ask yourself," What am I feeling?" Trace
back the feeling you are now feeling in the present to the earliest
time you felt this same feeling in the past. Clearly look at
the past situation. Notice how you felt in the past. Notice
how you feel in the present. Give yourself self –empowering
responses that you can now use in a similar situation. Think about
how you would have liked to respond in the past. If you could
change the past how would the situation have been? Note the trigger.
What is the feeling being trigger? What old situation is being
triggered? Check in with yourself to see how
the past situation is similar and different to the
present situation. Mentally note some more empowering responses/choices
for you to enact in the present. Feel how you feel enacting
these more empowering responses/choices. Write in your journal
the feeling/emotional trigger and the situation being triggered. Write
down your more empowering responses and choices. This allows
you to more easily integrate your new healthier way of responding.
6. Share if or when you feel safe your findings with the person you
were communicating with. Perhaps acknowledge this may be an awkward
or tough subject for awhile, and that you are in a state of learning
and understanding. Sometimes it is appropriate to do this process
just for you and keep to yourself for your own growth and awareness.
7. If you are doing this work for situations that the sufficient level
of trust and safety are not present, or for situations that
it is not appropriate to relate in this manner share your
findings with yourself first, and foremost, and then a
therapist. If you have a friend who you feel is supportive
and you trust it can be beneficial to share your process with this
8. If you are doing this work with someone you trust you
can set up further guidelines and helpful cues for when
either one of you is in a state condition response pattern and
being triggered by a projection. Or, simply state : "I
am being triggered, talk it through, or take a break, regroup, and
then come back.