Tools For Transformation, Inspiration and
LIVING YOUR LIFE AUTHENTICALLY.

Transition and Change:
A process of Life.

As a therapist I specialize in transition and change. It has been my professional experience, as well as personal that in order to change a relating pattern, behaviour, or belief system a new one that is complementary has to be encoded and reinforced. After all this is how the original pattern was created. However, it usually was created in a less conscious or aware state than the individual is in the present. In my work I facilitate, guide, as if on a treasure hunt, (for every individual is their own treasure), through the cycle of loss and change, (from Bereavement Counseling). Within this cycle there comes a time of acceptance, which ushers the process of restructuring, reorganizing, and re-creation. The key is gently creating a safe, sacred space to allow for re-creation for the individual. This opening permits the person to re-create with more alignment to their Authentic Self.

In the process of transition and change one goes through what I call the gray zone or no zone. You are not where you use to be and yet your are not where you want to be. You are in a kind of limbo- a state of flux. This is part of the restructuring and re-organizing phase. It is at this point that healing begins. One needs to know where one is in the cycle of transition and change. It is in knowing where one is that self understanding and mastery begins. Once you align to the cycle you can gain a deeper understanding and move away from the need to struggle or pushing and pulling.

You can work smarter, create easier when you align to your personal cycle. You begin to learn the signs, signals and messages from your inner you. You can now read your road map and understand you resistances as part of the process. Simply another message to you inherent in the cycle of transition and change.

So much understanding... So much self acceptance... So much love... So much abundance.

You are now supported. You are supporting you. And, you can now know what you really need and want and ask for what you need and want. This opens wondrous possibilities.

It is at this juncture that one can begin to access and create life structure and mental constructs that enhance life and allow one to live live more authentically.

This is where a guide trained and who has been there before can help. This is where you can call in the support you need. With assistance you can create a better road map.

It is a journey. One definitely worth embarking on.

It is possible to restructure and enhance your life, imbibe it with even more meaning and purpose. You can learn to read the inner landscape of your mind to create what is more authentically you reflecting your inner truth. It is here you can understand your needs, wants and values.

It is only in understanding ourselves and making peace with all parts of ourselves and our life that we can then experience gratitude, respect and honor what we have and who we are. It is in this mind state that we can joyously give back- to our self, our family, our community, and for some of us to our nation and world.

We all need to recognize our innate gifts and value. When we are truly living authentically we know challenges and do not see our self as challenged. We see our selves whole and complete and in that completeness we have so much to express and share.

Something Good For The Little Kid Part Of YOU:
Inner Process using guided imagery, visualization
and meditation techniques.

It is very important to have a clear, open, and trusting relationship with the little kid/inner child part of us. This is the part of us that is connected most with our feeling nature. Our feeling nature is our core. "We all are feeling our way through our feeling experiences" as one of my mentors would always say. We can not know many times what to do, or what is going to happen until we experience the situation and commit the experience to our history of memory. So, we can not pre-structure what we would do or feel. However, we can be clear enough to respond in the present moment and not react because of past experience. This takes getting to know ourselves from the inside out. Knowing where and how we are vulnerable and loving and accepting that part of us is key. We all need to respect and take care of the part of us that is vulnerable, not just the part that we feel is a hero or has "it" all together.

We have many parts inside. These parts need and want different things. It is up to us as healthy individuals to manage these parts and their needs. They are our needs, whether we are consciously aware or not. These needs will try to get expression. These parts or aspects can also be called sub personalities; and they make up the totality of our personality. Totality meaning whole, the whole part and this implies wholeness. There are basic sub personalities and parts, and then there are parts that are as individual as the person. Just think of these parts or aspects of self as different ways of expressing who you are. When you have healthy full self expression things run smoothly. Think of a source of water that becomes clogged or dammed up. You may not notice the clog for awhile, but at some point the dam will break; or the clog will cause an over flow in another area.

This process is to connect with that part of you that perhaps is not heard that often. Again, it is easier for all of us to focus on the part of us that "seems" to be successful or that can plow through any challenge. However, there is a part of everyone that just wants to take a rest, play without an agenda, or just be nurtured and taken care of. This part knows no gender. It is the male and female of us. Unfortunately, this part of all of us has been disowned and left out. This part of us is down played and in fact ignored in our main stream society. This part is rarely, if ever, advertised to. This is the part many of us want to forget about. This is the part that connects us to our feeling nature, to our dreams to our humanity. This is the part that shows us our humanity and how we are all connected. This part when listened to, heard, acknowledged, accepted and loved opens us to compassion in a way that allows us to achieve much more than we once dreamed. However, though this part is such a small part it holds our key in ways one could only imagines.

Taking Back Projects and attaining a Clear Perception:
Guidelines for releasing emotional charge and
getting to the heart of the matter.

Try this for 30 days and notice the difference in your life.

Listening is an acquired skill and at best an art form.Our mind usually begins to wander to interpret through our own life experience, so a bit of retraining is needed to actively listen and be fully present. When listening we need to be actively engaged with the person/persons in front of us. Aware of them with our attention on them, and our intent to hear. We need to be focused on the subject at hand, and a lot the time to be fully present, in present time available tohear what is being communicated.

Hearing is our ability to get the words that are being communicated to us with the emotion and feeling of what the person is trying to convey.

Acknowledging is the act of confirming to the other person that we heard what was stated.

Understanding is being able to comprehend, and have empathy for the person and what they just communicated. In the Native American tradition it is to "Stand Under" someone. In the act of standing under someone you are in their space and clearly see and understand how they feel. You are in their shoes for a length of time, to understand what they are thinking and feeling. Understanding does not mean agreement. You can disagree with someone yet understand his or her point of view, or viewpoint. This is the place from which they are standing and viewing the situation.

Our point of view in life is created by our life experiences: Family, Peers, School, Education, Society, Culture, Race, Politics, Groups, Crisis, War, Religion, Beliefs, Poverty, Wealth, Privilege, Responses from others, Authority figures, Biological, Physiology, Physicality, Mental and Emotional acuity. These life experiences and influences create our filters for us. We all have them. The color how we view the world. Our filters create our interpretation of the world around us and how we interact and interpret the world's interaction with us. This type of viewing is a projection. This is like the projection of llight from a movie projector. Whatever color of light is projected on the screen alters the image on the screen. Project a blue light and there will be a blue hue. Project a red light and there will be a red hue. If two people have two different color lights their perception will be altered by the color of their filter. In this way each person1s perception is "right" per their filter. This does not mean that the perception is accurate to the present moment. Both parties are being affected by their previous experience/s (filters).

We relate to our world, others and ourself through perception and projection. Most of the time it is through projection; which is our own past life experiences. To a certain degree this can not be avoided as we live in a subjective universe. However, if we tend to relate more from projection than perception it means are past is unduly affecting us, and that we are not in present time. When we perceive our world mainly through our filters time and time again, we tend to have more difficulties in our interpersonal relationships.

100% perception is all but impossible. However there is far less projection in a clear perception. This is a perception from someone who is aware of the process of projection and who has cleared a lot of emotional issues, beliefs,insights, and mental constructs so that they are able to perceive purely what is being enacted and communicated in front of them 9in the present moment.

Projections are present when there is emotional charge, whether perceived positive or negative. The emotional charge signals that there is a trigger in this situation, and that an experience from the past and how we felt about the experience is affecting the present situation. (A trigger is a word, look, or situation that links us up to a past experience. Usually this happens on a subconscious or barely conscious level.) A trigger springs us unconsiously to a state conditioned response pattern. This is a response that is subconscious and made up of unconscious complexes and impulses. This state is our relating pattern. (This pattern can be altered or changed via innerwork.)

In a situation where there is a feeling of numbness, shutting down emotionally/feeling level, or resistance to what is being communicated a projection is taking place. Anytime we react with intense emotion or held back emotion a projection is occurring. The projection is not badS It just is. However, we as humans tend to like and gravitate toward what we perceive as "happy"/"positive" projections. and repel and contest the "sad", "angry"/negative projections. Perhaps and rightly so we all prefer to experience "positive" projections. For example the experience of falling in love is preferred as opposed to the experience of " falling out of love." As long as we recognize the projection in either situation we retain our self empowerment and self esteem. We then realize the truth that we are responsible for naming our experiences and our feelings.

In owning our projections we are in a position of self-responsibility and take back your power. The feelings and mental construct of the "other", whether a person or a situation having all the power is insidiously inherent in the projection. "He or she made me feel this way!" This mental construct and feeling gives all the responsibility to the "other." The other is seen to have control over your thoughts and feelings. We may not like what is being communicated, how we respond is up to us. If some situation or person is continually not in alignment with our personal perceptions perhaps there are issues of different values, value system, goals and lifestyle.

Perception is experienced in a neutral state.

This state is not a high or a low. It can be described as a feeling of connectedness, yet with the ability to allow your sense of self to be maintained. One is aware how they are connected, or similar to the person communicating. In this neutral state one is not merging with the other, or taking on their feelings, thoughts or emotions. One is feeling their experience and honoring it. It is in this state that it is easier to rela what one has just heard or experienced, and ask: "How can I be there for you?" "How can I help you." Or, perhaps, "What do you need from me ?" In this neutral state we are not imposing what we would need, or assuming what someone else needs. We know to ask; to honor someone1s process by asking what they need; not what we "think" they need. This opens up a shared dialogue process. In this process each communication is seen as a complete cycle having a beginning, middle, and an end. Or, one could say a conclusion or resolution. And if the dialogue is opened up again, the process begins a new.

Guideline For Taking Back Projections

1. First recognize and acknowledge that we all project. Projection is an important part of the process of relating. It begins to extend us outside of ourselves.

2. When in a communication dialogue and there your are experiencing an emotional charge state internally "I take back this projection."

3. Try to discern what is actually being said, what you are feeling , and what you are interpreting . Ask yourself: " How are you feeling?" The feeling is the primary trigger.

4. If your feelings, and interpretations are getting in the way of really listening and hearing perhaps take a break and sort through your inner reality. You can do this internally, or express what you are interpreting. You can also ask the person you are communicating with if it is possible to stop at this point to gather your composure. Try to reach an emotional flat point (neutral state). A point that is good for both parties. If this is not possible as emotions have escalated enact the 3 min rule with the strict agreement to get back to the communication in 3 min, 3 hours, 3 days; whichever is mutually agreed upon. If the escalation is such that this type of mutual agreement is not possible, one person must pull back and take a break. This will allow neutrality and clarity to come back into the dialogue.

5. If you have taken a break, write or speak into a tape recorder what your past experiences were and how they are affecting you in the present situation. Get yourself in a safe place. Begin to relax the body and mind as much as you can. Calm the body-mind down by doing some 3 count breathing, slowing the breath down, steadying your breath and focus within. Close your eyes if this helps. Locate the feeling . Notice if any part of your body is tense or experiencing discomfort. Ask yourself," What am I feeling?" Trace back the feeling you are now feeling in the present to the earliest time you felt this same feeling in the past. Clearly look at the past situation. Notice how you felt in the past. Notice how you feel in the present. Give yourself self –empowering responses that you can now use in a similar situation. Think about how you would have liked to respond in the past. If you could change the past how would the situation have been? Note the trigger.

What is the feeling being trigger? What old situation is being triggered? Check in with yourself to see how the past situation is similar and different to the present situation. Mentally note some more empowering responses/choices for you to enact in the present. Feel how you feel enacting these more empowering responses/choices. Write in your journal the feeling/emotional trigger and the situation being triggered. Write down your more empowering responses and choices. This allows you to more easily integrate your new healthier way of responding.

6. Share when you feel safe your findings with the person you were communicating with. Perhaps acknowledge this may be an awkward or tough subject for awhile, and that you are in a state of learning and understanding.

7. If you are doing this work for situations that the sufficient level of trust and safety are not present, or for situations that it is not appropriate to relate in this manner share your findings with yourself first, and foremost, and then a therapist . If you have a friend who you feel is supportive and you trust it can be beneficial to share your process with this person.

8. If you are doing this work with someone you trust you can set up further guidelines and helpful cues for when either one of you is in a state condition response pattern and being triggered by a projection. Or, simply state : "I am being triggered, talk it through, or take a break, regroup, and then come back.

Inner Child/Little Kid Dialogue:
Inner Process using guided imagery, visualization
and meditation techniques.

To begin this process go to a place or create a space that feels safe to you; preferably a place where you won1t be disturbed mid process. Think about your present circumstances. There could be and issue or concern you have. Or, you could just be curious. Whatever the reason you have for connecting with this part of you is perfect, is the right reason for you.

Write in your journal or on a piece of paper:

1. Hello. May I talk with you?

2. I am here to get to know you.

3. I would like to know more about you.

4. I am now here for you; whether I was a lot or a little in the past I am more and more fully here for you.

5. What do you need from me at this time?

6. How can we be closer?

7. How can I listen to you better?

When asking this questions internally in your own mind an d in your own time you may or may not get full answers. Sometimes you won1t receive anything verbal. Perhaps, just a feeling. Stick with the process consistently. This is like any good relationship/friendship it takes time to trust. There may be some trust issues with you and your little kid/inner child part of you. So, take the time. You are worth it.

Now, you want to get into a comfortable relaxed position. Close your eyes. Begin focusing on your breath with your eyes closed focused on your heart-lung area. Allow your breath to slow down. Focus on you and how you are feeling. You can breath in for a count of 3. Hold for a count of 3. Breathe out for a count of 3. Do this a few times until you feel more relaxed and focused on your inner state. Now ask these questions of yourself. After asking the question focus within and without censoring note your answers either mentally or by writing in your journal. (I suggest writing them down) Do this with each question and take as long as you like. You will know when you are finished by a feeling of neutrality and completion. You will feel a little or a lot more settled. Feel free to ask as many questions as you like and to respond. This is your relationship with this inner aspect of you. Be respectful and compassionate with the information you receive. You are building trust and learning about a deeper part of you. This all takes time. The more you invest, the better the quality of the relationship and your understanding. Love and accept yourself. This inner part has so much to share with you. Next Level Process. After you have developed more rapport, feel more trusting you can begin to have a real partnership with this aspect of self.

Ask:

1. What did you need when you were a child that you did not get?


2. How can you now get that?

3. How can I (the healthy adult self ) provide this?

4. What are you fearing now? (anxiety-afraid ofS)

5. Tell your little kid/inner child that you are here now- listening, hearing, acknowledging, and that you understand so much more now
about her/him.

6. Tell her/him that she/he deserves:

Unconditional Love. Safety in her/his environment. Right to be. Right to feel and express feelings. That all her/his feelings are ok. That she/he needs to feel ok acknowledging them. That feelings are different than actions. That one may feel feelings and acknowledge them; yet respond or behave differently. That it is important to acknowledge and express feellings to adult self. That you are hear now and listening working/creating together with his/her needs in consideration. You have the right to be listened to, heard, acknowledged, and understood. This understanding comes from someone understanding how you could feel how you feel, or that you feel a certain way even though they may not understand it for themselves or agree. You have a right to full self expression, to create and express yourself. That others may not always agree with how you are feeling, or what you think, but you are entitled to have and express your feelings.

So many times we are so much more understanding of other people, and so critical of ourselves. Just look at how far you have come in your life. Look at what you have over come. Look at the challenges and how you have made it through.

Create comfort and safety for your inner child/little kid. Release fear and anxiety by listening, hearing, acknowledging, understanding and honoring this part of you.

This part is and aspect of you. You have a responsibility to yourself to understand all parts of yourself- to understand how you feel, and perhaps why. You may not always agree with yourself, as others may not agree with you; yet you can understand and have respect/love for yourself.

Your life is waiting for you. You life needs you. What is stopping you from living the life you really want to? Hurt, pain, and fear. Perhaps. You can heal these feelings and begin to move through allowing yourself to create the life you really want to live. The greatest gifts, talents and abilities come through acknowledging your feelings and using your feelings for positive self expression. Your life is your canvas what kind of picture are now going to create? It all starts with you.

Give yourself a hug and have some fun.

Experiencing Your life in The Power Zone

The power zone is being empowered and managing your life in a balanced way. With balance as the key you manage and run your life it doesn’t run you. Running your life has less to do with doing and more with deciding…. Choice. Your choice for health, wealth, allowing yourself to live fully and experience fulfillment. Imbalance = distress. For balanced, healthy life style you need:

Self time -private time/alone time for you

Family time

Time for friends

Exercise

Hobbies

Work and career

Something new in your life a little variety

Read Michele’s 10 easy steps to ease stress

75%-80% of illness are stress related; at least start that way. Immune system… psychoimmunology. The study and research findings of the psyche or mind on the body and breaking down the health of the body. Endorphines and serotin --- happy experiences. Even keel--- not high highs and low lows. If you are expeiencing depression, you can do centering and visualization processes.
Research has shown that they elevate endorphin levels.

Most illness can be averted by prevented measures…. Learn to recognize the small signs. If you are in tune and basically in balance you divert and or avert most ills.

Diet, nutrition, exercise, support besides family, friends, spiritual input whatever that is to you. Belief in something greater. Take the pressure off. "Even if that something greater is a part of you that you need to relax and get clear headed to connect with.

The part of you that is always in sync and always wants the best for you.
Stress Reduction is Self- Empowerment. It’s your life. You might as well live it healthily and successfully. Stress management = stress reduction Reducing stress and feel self empowered.

Self centered = Centered on self… not self absorbed
Balance mental- emotional-spiritual-physical-material
BALANCE IS THE KEY

Self Empowerment is: Running your life and not having your life run you.You are the captain of your own ship; the driver of your own vehicle on the road of life.

Your vehicle in this sense is your body and mind. It is up to you how you want to travel. Do you want a vehicle that is poorly maintained and full of debris? Just as we give our car an oil change, regular maintenance, wash it, detail it, and keep the inside clean we need to do this for our mind and body. When we do this we are much more clear headed, quite literally and able to really enjoy life. You can create success that enhances your health, not at the expense of your health.

 

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