Hearing Acknowledging Understanding
Listening is an acquired
skill and at best an art form. Our mind usually begins to wander to
interpret through our own life experience, so a bit of retraining is
needed to actively listen and be fully present. When listening we need
to be actively engaged with the person/persons in front of us. Aware
of them with our attention on them, and our intent to hear. We need
to be focused on the subject at hand, and a lot the time to be fully
present, in present time available tohear what is being communicated.
Hearing is our ability to get the
words that are being communicated to us with the emotion and feeling
of what the person is trying to convey.
Acknowledging is the act of confirming
to the other person that we heard what was stated.
Understanding is being able to comprehend,
and have empathy for the person and what they just communicated. In
the Native American tradition it is to "Stand Under" someone.
In the act of standing under someone you are in their space and clearly
see and understand how they feel. You are in their shoes for a length
of time, to understand what they are thinking and feeling.
does not mean agreement. You can disagree with someone yet understand
his or her point of view, or viewpoint. This is the place from which
they are standing and viewing the situation.
point of view in life is created by our life experiences: Family, Peers,
School, Education, Society, Culture, Race, Politics, Groups, Crisis,
War, Religion, Beliefs, Poverty, Wealth, Privilege, Responses from others,
Authority figures, Biological, Physiology, Physicality, Mental and Emotional
acuity. These life experiences and influences create our filters
for us. We all have them. The color how we view the world. Our filters
create our interpretation of the world around us and how we interact
and interpret the worlds interaction with us. This type of viewing
is a projection. This is like the projection of llight from a
movie projector. Whatever color of light is projected on the screen
alters the image on the screen. Project a blue light and there will
be a blue hue. Project a red light and there will be a red hue. If two
people have two different color lights their perception will be altered
by the color of their filter. In this way each persons perception
is "right" per their filter. This does not mean that the perception
is accurate to the present moment. Both parties are being affected by
their previous experience/s (filters).
relate to our world, others and ourself through perception and projection.
Most of the time it is through projection; which is our own past life
experiences. To a certain degree this can not be avoided as we live
in a subjective universe. However, if we tend to relate more from projection
than perception it means are past is unduly affecting us, and that we
are not in present time. When we perceive our world mainly through our
filters time and time again, we tend to have more difficulties in our
perception is all but impossible. However there is far less projection
in a clear perception. This is a perception from someone who is aware
of the process of projection and who has cleared a lot of emotional
issues, beliefs,insights, and mental constructs so that they are able
to perceive purely what is being enacted and communicated in front of
them 9in the present moment.
are present when there is emotional charge, whether perceived positive
or negative. The emotional charge signals that there is a trigger
in this situation, and that an experience from the past and how we felt
about the experience is affecting the present situation. (A trigger
is a word, look, or situation that links us up to a past experience.
Usually this happens on a subconscious or barely conscious level.) A
trigger springs us unconsiously to a state conditioned response pattern.
This is a response that is subconscious and made up of unconscious complexes
and impulses. This state is our relating pattern. (This pattern
can be altered or changed via innerwork.)
a situation where there is a feeling of numbness, shutting down emotionally/feeling
level, or resistance to what is being communicated a projection is taking
place. Anytime we react with intense emotion or held back emotion a
projection is occurring. The projection is not bad
It just is.
However, we as humans tend to like and gravitate toward what we perceive
as "happy"/"positive" projections. and repel and
contest the "sad", "angry"/negative projections.
Perhaps and rightly so we all prefer to experience "positive"
projections. For example the experience of falling in love is preferred
as opposed to the experience of " falling out of love." As
long as we recognize the projection in either situation we retain our
self empowerment and self esteem. We then realize the truth that we
are responsible for naming our experiences and our feelings.
owning our projections we are in a position of self-responsibility and
take back your power. The feelings and mental construct of the "other",
whether a person or a situation having all the power is insidiously
inherent in the projection. "He or she made me feel this way!"
This mental construct and feeling gives all the responsibility to the
"other." The other is seen to have control over your thoughts
and feelings. We may not like what is being communicated, how we respond
is up to us. If some situation or person is continually not in alignment
with our personal perceptions perhaps there are issues of different
values, value system, goals and lifestyle.
is experienced in a neutral state.
This state is not a high or a low. It can be described as a feeling
of connectedness, yet with the ability to allow your sense of self to
be maintained. One is aware how they are connected, or similar to the
person communicating. In this neutral state one is not merging with
the other, or taking on their feelings, thoughts or emotions. One is
feeling their experience and honoring it. It is in this state that it
is easier to relay what one has just heard or experienced, and ask:
"How can I be there for you?" "How can I help you."
Or, perhaps, "What do you need from me ?"
In this neutral state we are not imposing what we would need, or assuming
what someone else needs. We know to ask; to honor someones process
by asking what they need; not what we "think" they need.
opens up a shared dialogue process. In this process each communication
is seen as a complete cycle having a beginning, middle, and an end.
Or, one could say a conclusion or resolution. And if the dialogue is
opened up again, the process begins anew.
For Taking Back Projections
child / little kid dialogue